Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
