Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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