Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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