So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ladies don't puke and tell
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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