1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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