Soap is not a condiment
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
