I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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