Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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