I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
