Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
