so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
