Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
