Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
