I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
