Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So squirting runs in the family.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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