sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
People in love make me want to vomit
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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