I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
