I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
