Will you blow on my dice?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This is classic penis vs brain.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
