I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
