So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
