Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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