i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
