i just had sex bonerless
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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