i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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