i was born a porn star she said
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
