i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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