Is it normal to miss your booty call?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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