I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
