i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
