i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
