So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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