I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
