I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
