On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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