We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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