new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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