I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
