You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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