Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
