I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
