Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
