dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
