Buhtt sex?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
