I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
