just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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