How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
