Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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