And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
