so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
