Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This baby is an asshole
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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