he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
