Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
