i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
