2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
