Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
