dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
