I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
