I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
