I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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