so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
