I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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