Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
