Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
