Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
