Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
